I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's the barista slut.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
