Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
