Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
