But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
