I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize