Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
