let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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