Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
