so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
