A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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