She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
