Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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