you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
