i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
