Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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