im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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