my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
