Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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