Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
