Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
