how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
