he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
