so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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