i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize