Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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