yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
