Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize