Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
