Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
