try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
