i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
