Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
