we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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