my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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