hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
