i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
