god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
