My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
