i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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