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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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