he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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