Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
