It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
