When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
