this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
