That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
