I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize