with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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