its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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