highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want nice things and good sex
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
