she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
