If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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