After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dignity is for republicans.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize