living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
