Need sex. Gaining weight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
