i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
