So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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