Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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