just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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