I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
