you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
