oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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