There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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