I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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