He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
