All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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