you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
third nipple confirmed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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