Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
