We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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