The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
