Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
