Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
