the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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