hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
