I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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