New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
