Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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