its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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