In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
