OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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