I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm really busy with my period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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