Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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