Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
