she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
