He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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