Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
