I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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